Hey guys.
I'll get to the trip in the next post. But I was at work today and saw something that made me both happy and sad that I wanted to share.
A group of 5 kids came in, between 14 and probably 6. They were walking all over the place looking at candy and whatnot, rather getting on mine and Aaron's nerves (thinking about shoplifting, or a mess). Anyways, I noticed the two 14 year olds (or there about) seemed very close. At first I thought they were just good friends. I dismissed the idea they were brothers because they looked absolutely nothing alike. But then, when they were by themselves over by the back of the store, I saw them kiss. And not just a peck on the check, but lip to lip contact. Seeing this, made me happy for them. The fact that they had found someone to be with was nice, and that they, for the most part, weren't afraid to show their love was also refreshing. What made me a little concerned though, was that one of them bought condoms. Seems a little young to me, if they were going to use them for what I assumed, but I guess at least they are using them.
What made me sad though, was that I don't have something or someone like that. And I never will as long as I stay in the closet. For a while now I've really been craving someone to have a relationship with. Hell, it doesn't even have to be a boyfriend. Just someone I know, in person, who I can be completely myself with.
It doesn't help that the few gay people I do know are either taken, or I don't find them attractive. So even if I did come out, there still isn't a boyfriend possibility in my life. I've accepted the fact that a few of my friends that I do find attractive are straight, and there's no chance there. It's kinda like what the women always say in the movies, 'why do all the good ones have to be straight?'
Oh, and after I finished ringing up the kid with the condoms, when I gave him his change, he said 'I love you'. To me. It was a joke, but damn it didn't help my mental state. I see this display of affection I want, and then they (indirectly) mock me with it. So I was in a weird mood for the rest of the night. Fortunately, it was only about an hour or so before close, so I didn't have to deal with it long. I came home and learned some A Perfect Circle on guitar, which helped distract me.
So I just thought I'd share that with you guys. I don't like feeling lonely, and at least here I can get some attention from a couple of people.
Hope you guys are well.
143
_Kevin
Geometric Wallpaper Design Patterns
4 years ago
It is nice that you saw what you did, an indication that the world is indeed changing. I understand your feelings. Thank you for sharing the event and your feelings with us. I hope you can find a special friend soon.
ReplyDeleteWe will be watching for the post about the trip. I hope you had a really good time.
Well, since the kid told you he loved you, maybe he was looking for a threesome! :-D
ReplyDelete(15 will get you 20.)
How about hanging out at UMinn or some other college? Usually lots of hot young guys on campus, and usually a LGBT presence at the bigger schools.
Here's something for next Friday:
https://events.umn.edu/Friday-Night-Live-Sims-with-Bight-Club-013582.htm
I guess my point is you should step outside your normal circle of friends and experiences, and do something different.
You could also try to meet someone through Craigslist or online dating service...just to meet, no great expectations.
And yes, let's hear about the trip.
:-)
-Andy
That's pretty cool. I hope you gave them a smile.
ReplyDeleteAs to the lonely...I know how you feel. I'm about ready to kick down some doors to find someone, anyone, that I can be close to. I'm out to a few people, maybe it's time to expand the circle. And while I'd never suggest you do something outside your comfort level, maybe it's time to start thinking in that direction.
We are in an unenviable position - seemingly unable to come out and yet, unhappy with our lot in life...however, we do have within our power to do something about it.
I hope we can change for the better.
Peace <3
Jay