So, I'm sure I've told you guys about my 'sober cab' business I have with my brother and his friends. Well, St. Patrick's Day being last Thursday, I was put to work. Same old, same old. Phone call at 4:30 AM, an address, and rough time frame. Then the usual 'Thank you so much!' 'You rock!' blah blah blah.
Like I've said, I'm more than willing to pick them up, no matter the time. It's something too serious for them to fuck up. And if I have to sacrifice myself a little, that's worth it, right?
Anyways, last night was my buddy Tom's birthday party. I had to work until 12, but the party was still going strong by the time I got there. It was a good time, lots of people I haven't seen in a while. The old, 'How ya doin? How ya been?' But I've been noticing a trend the last couple times I've gone to the parties with my brother, or picked them up: drunk sincerity.
Whilst inebriated, people will say almost anything. Usually, at least towards me, it's nice things. But sometimes I have to wonder what they really mean, or how they really feel. The first thing when I walked up last night, there was a group outside smoking cigarettes and they all yelled when I got there, 'KEVIN!' I had someone call me the shit, Tom was incredibly grateful I showed up (him I believe) and someone called me 'pimpin'.
(FYI, for those of you that don't know, when something or someone is THE shit, it's a good thing. If something or someone is shit, it's bad. THE shit-good, shit-bad. Don't ask me, I don't make this shit up.)
Now, I know the main core of Erik's friends like me, regardless of the sober cab, so it's not that. It's just the fact that every time I see these people, I'm made out to be the greatest person in the world. When they introduce me to someone new, it's usually, 'This is Swampy's brother Kevin, the coolest mother fucker around' or something like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of this is true, or that I am the shit, it's just how they introduce me.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether or not they like me for who I am, because I'm Erik's brother and they don't have a choice, or because I've kept them all out of jail. It's an interesting feeling when I'm with them. I'm also not sure that once Erik leaves on his trip, if I'll still be 'one of the guys'. Most times, unless it's a big party like last night, I won't see or talk to most of them unless Erik is with them. So once he leaves, am I just going to be forgotten? I'm not sure if I'm they're friend, or their friend's brother. You know? It's weird. I guess I'll just have to see what happens.
Moving on. This Tuesday my dad and I are driving to Salt Lake City, Utah to go skiing with my grandpa and two uncles. It's my grandpa's 82nd birthday, and he wanted to go skiing. How awesome is that?! He lives here, but is flying out. My uncle Bruce lives in Seattle and is flying there too. My uncle Keith lives in SLC, so we're all staying with him. It should be a good time. My dad and I haven't skied since our one outing back in December (I think. Whenever I made that telemarking post), but as my dad says, he only has to keep up with an 82 year old and a quadriplegic. I suppose I should explain that.
Back in 2001 my uncle Bruce was in a skiing accident and broke his neck. The doctors told him straight up that even with physical therapy, he'd never walk again. Well, after years of intense therapy and all sorts of other stuff, he can walk again. Usually with a cane or walker, but he can also walk on his own. It's an amazing accomplishment. He can't ski normal anymore, but he has some weird chair thing that he sits in that is on skis.
Like this:
Anyways. We're driving straight through, for around 18 hours. I've been thinking about the drive, and wondering if it might be a good time to tell him I'm gay. We'll have plenty of time, but the downside is that if for some reason he doesn't take it well, we're stuck in a car together. Even if I do it on the way home, it's still a long drive. Any thoughts? I'm not even sure if I should. I just want to tell my parents. I feel like I'm lying by not telling them. But I also don't want anything to change. I'm 95% sure both my parents will be fine with it, based on the amount of gay people they deal with in their lives and don't seem to have a problem with it. Even two of their better friends are in a long term relationship. But you never know. Any thoughts? Ideas? Advice?
Well I'm getting tired. Didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night after the party. That's the problem with coming home after 6 AM. I probably won't have internet access out in Utah, so from this Tuesday til next Tuesday I might be hard to get a hold of.
I hope you guys are doing well!
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_Kevin
Very interesting post, Kevin. Your friends are lucky to have you provide their transportation after they are partying and shouldn't be driving. It's good for you too, because it gives you a good reason to not be drinking yourself and it gives you a good feeling to be helping them be safe and not getting in trouble. I feel certain that when Erik is gone you will find they will still appreciate you.
ReplyDeleteWow, you sure have some active relatives, especially the 82-year-old. It amazes me that your uncle still wants to be skiing after his terrible accident. It sounds like you have a good trip planned, I hope you all have a great time.
I expect your dad will be ok with you telling him about yourself, he probably already suspects. I know it's a risk you are worried about. It sure would be nice to not have to continue to hide things from him, but only you can decide if now is the time to do it. I sure hope things go ok for you.
Good to hear from you, Kev! :-)
ReplyDeleteYour taxi service sounds like *the* shit! lol!
You seem to have a good relationship with your Dad...tell him when/if it feels right.
Take care,
-Andy
Cool post, Kevin. Your insights as to your relationship with your brother's friends is interesting. I must admit I can't remember if you are the older or younger brother, but still...I too, wonder what will happen when he leaves. Keep being yourself, and call some of them to say "hey, what's up?" and you'll find out!
ReplyDeleteYour granddad is 82 and wants to go SKIING?! Holy Toledo Batman! My dad is 85 and happy to stay at home except for the grocers and the library. I hope you have a GREAT trip!
As to telling dad...you'll know if the time is right. It will just come out or it won't. But you know, coming out to your family is important. I am about to tell my siblings. I think I owe it to them. I'm not afraid of rejection. Probably more like "what took you so long". Just my thoughts.
Have a great time in Utah! Wish I could still ski, though I might need to meet your uncle and take lessons from him. If he can ski with his disability, I ought to figure out how to do it with one shoulder that makes me wish my right arm didn't exist!
Be safe on the long drive! That's the most dangerous part of the trip.
Peace <3
Jay
I'm sure you'll read this after your return, but here's my two cents' worth, anyway:
ReplyDeleteI would tell him on the way home rather the trip out. That way it won't hang like a cloud over the trip, and, if "a good time was had by all" as they say, the afterglow of the camaraderie and good feelings generated by the companionship with your relatives will make it easier for your Dad to digest.
But that is conjecture on my part. I never had the courage to tell my Dad. Now it is too late, and I'm afraid to tell my Mom.
Have courage. Have faith in yourself. Only you can judge when the time is right.
Davey