'Here We Go'

Hola.

Thanks everyone for the birthdays wishes. They really mean a lot to me.

Didn't do a whole lot for my birthday, just went to dinner with the family. Then on Friday went to my grandparent's house for dinner. Low-key, boring stuff. Not exactly what most people do on their 21st, but whatever.

This past weekend Demian and Erik were going to go to some mini festival on Saturday. They were going to take the Camino and tow the camper, kind of trying a dry run to see if everything works before the odyssey begins. Well Erik forgot, and couldn't get it off work. Demian had some friends from work going too, so he still wanted to go. But without Erik going, he didn't feel comfortable taking the El Camino, in case something went wrong. Erik being the mechanic would have been able to fix it if he was there.

So then I got a phone call. Demian wanted to trade his Acura for my truck, so he could still take the camper. I didn't have a problem with it, as long as he was careful. So he loaded everything up and took off bright and early Saturday morning. I went to work, and had a relatively boring night, and went to bed. Sunday I woke up and hung around the house for a while, waiting for my mom to get home. She had gone skiing for the weekend with some girl friends up at Indian Head in Michigan (not fair!) She came home tired, and after hearing about it I went up to the BP.

Erik was going to work on Aaron's car that day, yet he hadn't been home since I'd been up, so I went to tell Aaron what I knew. After a while up there I headed home. Since Demian had my truck, I didn't have my house key, so I knocked. Erik was home, and he let me in. Right before he opened the door, I heard him say, 'Here we go!' I thought it was a little odd, but didn't think much.

He let me in, and kinda just looked at me with this stupid grin on his face that he uses when he has something to say I don't want to here. Before he says anything I just roll my eyes and ask, 'what?' I was expecting it to be a problem with Aaron's car. We walk up the stairs into the kitchen and my parents are there. And Demian.

My truck wasn't in the driveway, so as soon as I saw him, I just said, 'Fuck!' And everyone started laughing. Then the truth comes out. The transmission went out on my truck, about 5 miles after D left the festival. So Erik had gone down there (about 1.5 hours south) to pick up Demian, which is why he wasn't home working on Aaron's car.

They left the camper in a gas station parking lot, and had the truck towed up to Erik's shop so he'd be able to work on it. I wasn't happy. I didn't blame Demian at all. We knew it was going to break at some point (all Dodge trannys suck. Our family has had three Dodge trucks, and this is the third tranny to go.) but I thought I'd get at least another 10-20 thousand miles before that. He was really worried, and was hoping I wouldn't be pissed. So I had to explain to him very clearly that I was mad at the situation, not him. He finally understood, and relaxed. He still felt really bad, and offered to help pay for it. He also said I could keep his car until the truck got fixed, which I thought was really nice since he delivers sandwiches for a living.

So now we're out $1500 for a rebuilt transmission. Not the best timing, but I guess it was bound to happen.

On a happier note, for my birthday my parents and I are going to split the cost on some drum microphones! I'll finally be able to properly record drums. Which is also nice since the band is getting ready to record our full length album, but still by ourselves. I was trying to figure out a way to record the drums better than the demo, and this seemed like the only way. We're all too broke to spend 5+ thousand on studio time.

They're still going to cost around $1000, but I'm going to get an Amazon credit card to put it on. I didn't really want to, but my mom says I need to start building my credit, and this is a good place to start. Plus we won't have to dump a grand right away. And if I pay it off in 6 months, no interest! I hate credit cards. I don't even have a check card. If I want to spend money, I have to drag myself to an ATM and get cash. It's the only way I can make sure I know how much money I have, and what I'm spending. Now I've got a flippin credit card. At least it can only be used at Amazon. Otherwise I'd be in big trouble.

I feel boring again....

There is something that has kind of scared me a little recently. When my grandfather passed, I inherited some guns from him. I got his first .22 rifle from when he was a little kid, that also turned out to be the very first gun I ever shot. I thought that was pretty cool, and it's really beautiful. I like guns, but not hunting. I'd rather spend a day at the range than sitting in the woods being quiet and not shooting much. But other than my brother's shotgun for hunting, we didn't own any guns.

I also received a 1977 Colt Python .357 revolver that has never been fired. Turns out my great grandpa bought it for my grandpa (for some reason we have no idea) and then he never shot it. It was still in the box it came in from the store, and had the tags still on it. Really beautiful.

But what scares me, is that now the occasional time I do think about suicide, it has a picture now. Before, I never really had a clear idea. Sometimes if I were driving, I'd notice a place that I could drive into and crash, but nothing really vivid. Now I see the nickel plated revolver in my mind when I get those thoughts. It's not very often, but it still surprises and scares me. The guns are locked up, and I don't have a key, and the ammo is in a different place than the guns, but still.

I don't know. I'm sure it's nothing.

Well that's about it. I'm tired.

Hope you guys are well!

143

_Kevin