Why do we let our minds run away with bad thoughts?
Geometric Wallpaper Design Patterns
4 years ago
August 31, 2011
August 24, 2011
I'm Still Here
Hey guys, guess it's been a while.
The past 2-3 weeks have been crazy. My boss's son got married this past weekend, and everyone that works at my station was going to the wedding, except me. So I got the short end of the stick, and had to pick up the slack. Did a couple of all day shifts and was working 50-60 hour weeks back to back. Not a whole lot to some people, but considering I've only been full time for a little over a month, it was a big jump. But on the bright side, I got a raise, so that's cool too. I think the straw that broke the camel's back with that, was about two weeks ago I went into the bathroom at work to discover a 'mess' on the floor.
Forgive the vulgarity of this, you can skip if you want. But someone took a shit on the floor. And it wasn't like it was an accident and they didn't make it in time. It was right next to the toilet, and was a 'full' amount. So I had to deal with that. Almost passed out, almost threw up, and almost killed someone. As I was cleaning it up, I started to get high off of the bleach, which is not fun.
So between everything else, and that, my boss did my 'review'. Word for word she said, "You're doing a hell of a good job, thanks for covering our asses, you get a raise." And that was it. So that was pretty sweet.
I am so glad that the wedding is over, and hopefully my life will get back to normal. Not much else has been happening lately, since I've been working so much. But I think I might buy a gun. I mentioned before that I got a .357 from my grandpa when he died, but the thing is too damn expensive to shoot. So I think I might buy a 9mm. Much cheaper to shoot, and I've always wanted a semi-auto pistol. Not sure though. The one I want is about $600-700 new, which I don't think I can justify spending. Might look into buying a used one though.
Got an email from my brother the other day. He and Demian are heading towards Burning Man. They'd been talking about that for a while, but I didn't think they were actually going to go. But I guess they are. They think they'll be pretty broke after that, so they'll probably start heading home after the man burns. Depending on how much money is left will determine how long it takes them to get home. It might be a mad dash, or they'll take their time and it'll be a month. Either way, it seems like by October, they'll be home. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm really glad they're coming home, and I can't wait to hear about every thing they've done, but i also don't want it to be over for them. It'd be nice if it could last forever, but we all know it can't. But they've been gone since the first week of June, so they've had a good run. Rather unproblematic too, although Erik mentioned something about San Francisco, but he wouldn't go into details. Just that no one got hurt or arrested...
So that's about it for now, I guess. I'm looking forward to things calming down and being normal.
Oh! My friend and first sponsor, Robin, is back in town after graduating school in Cincinnati, so I'll be getting together with him for the first time in 4 years soon, which I'm excited about. For those of you keeping score at home, he was also the drummer for Morris, who I've mentioned before. I'll post more once it happens.
So yeah, that's been my life for the last few weeks. Work, work, shit, work. But I'm making money and staying out of trouble, which is a good thing, right?
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
The past 2-3 weeks have been crazy. My boss's son got married this past weekend, and everyone that works at my station was going to the wedding, except me. So I got the short end of the stick, and had to pick up the slack. Did a couple of all day shifts and was working 50-60 hour weeks back to back. Not a whole lot to some people, but considering I've only been full time for a little over a month, it was a big jump. But on the bright side, I got a raise, so that's cool too. I think the straw that broke the camel's back with that, was about two weeks ago I went into the bathroom at work to discover a 'mess' on the floor.
Forgive the vulgarity of this, you can skip if you want. But someone took a shit on the floor. And it wasn't like it was an accident and they didn't make it in time. It was right next to the toilet, and was a 'full' amount. So I had to deal with that. Almost passed out, almost threw up, and almost killed someone. As I was cleaning it up, I started to get high off of the bleach, which is not fun.
So between everything else, and that, my boss did my 'review'. Word for word she said, "You're doing a hell of a good job, thanks for covering our asses, you get a raise." And that was it. So that was pretty sweet.
I am so glad that the wedding is over, and hopefully my life will get back to normal. Not much else has been happening lately, since I've been working so much. But I think I might buy a gun. I mentioned before that I got a .357 from my grandpa when he died, but the thing is too damn expensive to shoot. So I think I might buy a 9mm. Much cheaper to shoot, and I've always wanted a semi-auto pistol. Not sure though. The one I want is about $600-700 new, which I don't think I can justify spending. Might look into buying a used one though.
Got an email from my brother the other day. He and Demian are heading towards Burning Man. They'd been talking about that for a while, but I didn't think they were actually going to go. But I guess they are. They think they'll be pretty broke after that, so they'll probably start heading home after the man burns. Depending on how much money is left will determine how long it takes them to get home. It might be a mad dash, or they'll take their time and it'll be a month. Either way, it seems like by October, they'll be home. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm really glad they're coming home, and I can't wait to hear about every thing they've done, but i also don't want it to be over for them. It'd be nice if it could last forever, but we all know it can't. But they've been gone since the first week of June, so they've had a good run. Rather unproblematic too, although Erik mentioned something about San Francisco, but he wouldn't go into details. Just that no one got hurt or arrested...
So that's about it for now, I guess. I'm looking forward to things calming down and being normal.
Oh! My friend and first sponsor, Robin, is back in town after graduating school in Cincinnati, so I'll be getting together with him for the first time in 4 years soon, which I'm excited about. For those of you keeping score at home, he was also the drummer for Morris, who I've mentioned before. I'll post more once it happens.
So yeah, that's been my life for the last few weeks. Work, work, shit, work. But I'm making money and staying out of trouble, which is a good thing, right?
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
August 14, 2011
August 8, 2011
Time For Another Overdose?
Hey guys.
I wanna talk about something I haven't really talked about with anyone before. I guess you could say I'm rather sensitive about it.
My whole life I've always been on the heavier side. Not obese, but overweight. Currently, I'm 5'9" and 190 pounds.
January of 2009, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed, and had a bad reaction to the percocet. That, and my dentist over prescribed me, so I had an overdose. I threw up a lot, and couldn't eat for three days. Or drink water for two. In the end, I lost 15 pounds in 3 days. It wasn't fun, but I was actually happy with the results. I was down to 170-175.
I kept most of the weight off for a year, but come January 2010, I was back to around 185. Then I had surgery on my sinuses, and another overdose with the percocet (I've come to the conclusion that my body can't handle opiates. Good thing I was never a heroin addict). More vomiting, not eating, etc. After that weekend, I was back to 175ish, and I liked it.
Anyways, around this time I started accepting the fact that I was gay. It was weird at first, but finding blogland helped a lot. There was a point last year, and really up until a month or two ago, where I was in a depression about it. Not just gay, but that was the big part. I had my flirts with suicidal thoughts, but those went away after a bit. Anyways, I basically stopped caring, and gained the weight back. It was almost like I was punishing myself. Which doesn't make sense, since there's nothing wrong. But the mind does weird things.
So I just started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't care what I put into my body. Fast food, way too much pop, and not much exercise. Well, I've gotten tired of it. I saw a picture of myself earlier tonight from after my first 'overdose', and I want to go back to that. I don't like the way I look, and it's making me sad. I know the biggest thing that will help is to stop drinking pop, but I'm also worried about that. When I don't drink enough caffeine I get migraines. Which is why my pop intake has remained so high, at least five 20oz a day. I like coffee, but it's not the same. And I'm not a big fan of drinking coffee when it's really hot out.
But I've made a decision. I'm going to lessen my pop intake, and replace it with coffee, black. I've never liked sugar in my coffee, but usually cream. But I like it black too, and it's less calories that way. I'm going to try and eat healthier too. It'll be hard with work, because it's so easy to grab a candy bar or bag of chips, and it's easier to get fast food, than cook something and bring it to work. But I think if I talk to my mom about it, she'll help cook some things that I can bring.
I don't know. I just wanted to vent about this. It's been on my mind for a while, but like I said, I feel like I've been punishing myself, and just didn't care. Well I want to care. I don't want to die young. I should probably quit smoking too, but that'll be later. One step at a time.
They say that it takes 28 days of a new thing to become a habit. I don't know about that, but it's worth a shot. Even if I stop all the pop, without anything else, I'd probably loose weight.
I don't know why I'm telling you all about this. Why should you care? I'll stop now. Just wanted to get it out there.
143
_Kevin
And no, I don't want to overdose. As much as I liked the weight-loss, that shit fucking sucked. So don't worry about that. It's been a joke with my mom. Last winter I said, 'You know, I think it's getting about that time for another overdose.' Since I'd had one the past two winters. (She didn't think it was funny)
I wanna talk about something I haven't really talked about with anyone before. I guess you could say I'm rather sensitive about it.
My whole life I've always been on the heavier side. Not obese, but overweight. Currently, I'm 5'9" and 190 pounds.
January of 2009, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed, and had a bad reaction to the percocet. That, and my dentist over prescribed me, so I had an overdose. I threw up a lot, and couldn't eat for three days. Or drink water for two. In the end, I lost 15 pounds in 3 days. It wasn't fun, but I was actually happy with the results. I was down to 170-175.
I kept most of the weight off for a year, but come January 2010, I was back to around 185. Then I had surgery on my sinuses, and another overdose with the percocet (I've come to the conclusion that my body can't handle opiates. Good thing I was never a heroin addict). More vomiting, not eating, etc. After that weekend, I was back to 175ish, and I liked it.
Anyways, around this time I started accepting the fact that I was gay. It was weird at first, but finding blogland helped a lot. There was a point last year, and really up until a month or two ago, where I was in a depression about it. Not just gay, but that was the big part. I had my flirts with suicidal thoughts, but those went away after a bit. Anyways, I basically stopped caring, and gained the weight back. It was almost like I was punishing myself. Which doesn't make sense, since there's nothing wrong. But the mind does weird things.
So I just started eating whatever I wanted, and didn't care what I put into my body. Fast food, way too much pop, and not much exercise. Well, I've gotten tired of it. I saw a picture of myself earlier tonight from after my first 'overdose', and I want to go back to that. I don't like the way I look, and it's making me sad. I know the biggest thing that will help is to stop drinking pop, but I'm also worried about that. When I don't drink enough caffeine I get migraines. Which is why my pop intake has remained so high, at least five 20oz a day. I like coffee, but it's not the same. And I'm not a big fan of drinking coffee when it's really hot out.
But I've made a decision. I'm going to lessen my pop intake, and replace it with coffee, black. I've never liked sugar in my coffee, but usually cream. But I like it black too, and it's less calories that way. I'm going to try and eat healthier too. It'll be hard with work, because it's so easy to grab a candy bar or bag of chips, and it's easier to get fast food, than cook something and bring it to work. But I think if I talk to my mom about it, she'll help cook some things that I can bring.
I don't know. I just wanted to vent about this. It's been on my mind for a while, but like I said, I feel like I've been punishing myself, and just didn't care. Well I want to care. I don't want to die young. I should probably quit smoking too, but that'll be later. One step at a time.
They say that it takes 28 days of a new thing to become a habit. I don't know about that, but it's worth a shot. Even if I stop all the pop, without anything else, I'd probably loose weight.
I don't know why I'm telling you all about this. Why should you care? I'll stop now. Just wanted to get it out there.
143
_Kevin
And no, I don't want to overdose. As much as I liked the weight-loss, that shit fucking sucked. So don't worry about that. It's been a joke with my mom. Last winter I said, 'You know, I think it's getting about that time for another overdose.' Since I'd had one the past two winters. (She didn't think it was funny)
August 7, 2011
1000 More Fools
I was feeling productive on my day off today, so I did this.
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
August 5, 2011
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