What I did on my birthday.
143
_Kevin
Geometric Wallpaper Design Patterns
6 years ago
February 24, 2012
February 21, 2012
What Happened
Hey guys. Well I'm back at my parent's place. It's a really long story that I don't really want to type out. It takes me about 30 minutes to speak it, so I don't want to know how long it would take to type it. Plus it might get a little confusing without all the background information, which would just make it all even longer. But long story short, an incident happened about 2 weeks ago, and I'd been asked to move out 3 times since then. The first two times were resolved, but the last time it wasn't, and I'd given up fighting. There were some outside influences involved that didn't help, and it was going to get messy if I didn't leave. So I decided to be the bigger person and do what was best (easiest) for everyone and move out. Am I sad? Yes. Am I mad? Hell yeah. But I've had time to digest it all and I think it'll be ok. If anything, I want to keep my friendship with Aaron, and if that means moving out, then so be it. Just sucks I had to move out 34 days after moving in.
So that's what was going on with the last post. Sorry for the lack of details. I haven't been sleeping too well lately, so I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Probably won't happen, but it definitely won't happen if I'm on here. I'll talk to you guys soon.
143
_Kevin
So that's what was going on with the last post. Sorry for the lack of details. I haven't been sleeping too well lately, so I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Probably won't happen, but it definitely won't happen if I'm on here. I'll talk to you guys soon.
143
_Kevin
February 18, 2012
January 20, 2012
Movin' On Up...To The East Side
Hey guys. Sorry it's been a while. I've finally moved, and am getting settled in. It's kind of interesting not living at home, but I like it. The 50 mile commute to work every day kinda sucks ass though. Umm..Not really sure what to talk about. I realized this is my 100th post, and according to some unwritten blog rules, I think that's supposed to be something special, and I'm supposed to do something special. Am I? Well...Kind of. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read about my lame ass excuse for a life. And to those of you that comment, I thank you twice. And for those of you who have been around for it all, the good, bad, ugly, whatever, I thank you thrice.
And that's about it.
Oh yeah. And I found some of those weird, lame, totally pointless, waste of everyone's time, stupid, shitty quizzes about you that no one wants to read and filled them out. So now you're going to read through those, because let's face it, that's why you're here. To read what I type. Ahahahaha! I have total control.
Holy shit I need to go to bed.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Body
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes
4.Do you plan outfits?
No
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Tired, sore, a little annoyed
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
I can't see anything red
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
No
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Something weird about driving around....I think
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Besides customers, no
10. What are you craving right now?
A cigarette, and sleep
11. Do you floss?
Not as much as I should
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Irish...?
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Uhhh, 8 years ago?
14. Are you emotional?
Everyone is. Am I overly emotional? No
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
What is the taco song?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yes. More than once
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Both
18. Do you like your hair?
Yeah. It's not as cool as my mohawk was, but it's fine
19. Do you like yourself?
Depends on the day. Sometimes the hour
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I guess it depends on your definition of celebrity
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes
22. What are you listening to right now?
PUSCIFER
23. How many countries have you visited?
One. Well, if you count Canada for part of a day when I was like 7
24. Are your parents strict?
No
25. Would you go sky diving?
No
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Ha, yeah
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
No. I like potatoes. Pickles? Probably
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Not that I can see
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
No
30. Do you rent movies often?
Netflix!
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
......God I feel too old for this....
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Yeah
33. Do you own a gun?
A few
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yeah....
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
I was with Aaron and Nick. Now they're sleeping upstairs
36. Brown or white eggs?
White?
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
No
38. Ever been on a train?
Light Rail, yes. Proper train, no
39. Ever been in love?
Yes
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yup
41. Are you too forgiving?
Yup
42. Do you use chap stick?
Hell yeah
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably working
44. Can you use chop sticks?
I can stab things with them
45. Ever have cream puffs?
I've tried them. Not a fan
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yeah, that movie was weird
47. What was the last question you asked?
Are you 100% sure, without a doubt, that it's the battery?
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Uh...I think it was some Grateful Dead CDs for my dad for Christmas
49. Boys or girls?
Boys
50. What is your bus number for school?
........Again, old.......
51. Is your hair curly?
No
52. Last time you cried?
I don't remember
53. Ever walked into a wall?
No
54. Do looks matter?
To a point
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
No
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah
57. Favorite time of the year?
Fall
58. Favorite color?
Blue
59. Are you sarcastic?
No.....Yeah.....You figure it out
60. Do you have any tattoos?
No
61. The last person you held hands with?
My mom?
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope. All about the music
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
My brother's old house
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yeah
65. Do you like your life right now?
At times
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not a whole lot. Maybe once a day. Sometimes not for a week
67. What is your favorite animal?
Dog. Or platypus
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
I bought dinner earlier. Material, I bought an oxy-acetylene torch for my brother yesterday
69. Do you have good vision?
When I have my glasses on
70. Can you hula hoop?
Not well
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Depends
72. Do you have a job?
Yup
73. Can you handle the truth?
No
74. What are you wearing?
Boxers
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Haha, oh yeah
1. What was the highlight of your week?
Moving into the house!
2. Whose car were you in last?
Aaron's
3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Fuck if I know
4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Skin
5. How long is your hair?
Pretty short. 1.5 inches maybe?
6. Are you good looking?
Sometimes I think so
7. Last movie you watched?
Columbiana, last night
8. Who were you with?
Aaron
9. Last thing you ate?
Beef Lo Mein. Chinese food is good
10. Last thing you drank?
Water
11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
A few months ago
12. Who came over last?
I don't think anyone's been over here since I moved
13. Are you happy right now?
At this exact moment? No. In general of today, for the most part
14. What did you say last?
Goodnight
15. Where is your phone?
On my nightstand charging
16. What color are your eyes?
Brown
17. Are you left-handed?
No
18. Spell your name without vowels:
Kvn
19. Do you have any pets?
No
20. Favorite Vacation?
All the years going to my cabin
21. What do you dislike currently?
A whole bunch of shit. How much time do you have?
22. What are you listening to?
PUSCIFER still
23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
The ability to read people's minds, and fix their problems.
24. What is your favorite scent?
I'm a fan of cherry
25. Who makes you happiest?
My family
26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching Top Gear. And hell no I don't mean that shit that America came out with. The UK version
27. When is your birthday?
2-23
28. Who has the same phone as you?
I think my friend Joey does
29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
I can't remember. Probably 4 or 5 years ago down in South Carolina
30. Do you read your horoscope?
No. But my boss likes to read everyone's out loud when we get to work sometimes
31. Where was the last place you bought something?
Dinner was at a restaurant. I bought a torch at some random dude's house off craigslist last night
32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
It's fine. Not mohawk status. But fine. If you haven't noticed, I miss my mohawk
33. Do you bite your nails?
No
34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
No
35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
No? Again?
36. Myspace or facebook?
Facebook, if I have to
37. How fast have you driven a car?
Me myself? About 110. As a passenger? 155 when the limiter kicked in
38. Have you ever smoked?
Everyday
39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
I liked math and english
40. Do you have Verizon?
Yes
41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
The ones I can never have
42. Do you have any hidden talents?
I'm pretty decent at cooking
43. Favorite Song?
Impossible to say. Right now though, I like Conditions Of MY Parole by PUSCIFER (Youtube it)
44. Do you like to sing at all?
I do
45. Dream Job?
It'll involve helping people, preferably young people. That's all I know now
46. Where does most of your family live?
Minnesota!
47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
One older brother
48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
No
49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Fuck, I don't want to go to work
50. Do you drink?
Not in almost 7 years
51. Know any other languages?
I can butcher my way through introductions in spanish
52. Ever write a coded message?
adnik
53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
Nope
54. Do you have any children?
No
55. Did you take a nap today?
No
56. Who has the same birthday as you?
No one I know
57. Ever met anyone famous before?
Again, depends on your definition of famous
58. Do you want to be famous one day?
Not really
59. Any Pet Peeves?
Rudeness, lack of manners
60. Are you multitasking right now?
If you count breathing, digesting, and a whole bunch of other things while listening to music, yes
61. Do you like Britany Spears?
No
62. What is your least favorite chore?
cleaning bathrooms
63. Last place you drove your car?
My car, to work. The car I currently posses, home. The last car I drove, also home.
64. Ever been out of the country?
Once, for a day, to Canada, when I was like 7
65. Where were you born?
Minnesota!
66. Could you handle being in the military?
Hell no
67. What is your average cell phone bill?
Don't know. Got that family plan thing
68. Who are you thinking about right now?
A couple of different people
69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Earlier today at work
70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
One
71. Are your toes always painted?
No.......Hahahaha straight up a 12 year old girl question! Why am I doing this?
72. How many piercings do you have?
None
73. What are you doing today?
Sleep, work
74. Have you ever been gambling?
Yes
75. When is the last time you updated your page?
Just now
76. Do you like rollercoasters?
Yeah
77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
Disney World a couple of times when my dad would run the marathon there
78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Meatwad
79. Last thing you cooked?
Technically, a bagel, if you count a toaster as cooking. Otherwise pasta
80. How's the weather?
Cold as fucking balls
81. Do you e-mail?
Yup
82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Drop it in a lake
83. Last time you were sick?
Couple years ago
84. What states have you lived in?
Minnesota!
85. Do you wish you could move?
Just did!
86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
Fuck no
87. What is your dream car?
Again, impossible to answer. But probably some kind of Air Cooled Volkswagen
88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
All the time
89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
With them
90. Are you happy with your life?
I have my moments. Today, yes. Tomorrow? I hope so
Did you make it this far?
Good. I'm done. That sucked. Never again. I figured there were some random things you guys didn't know about me, and I don't think those quizzes asked any of them. But there you go. Here's a song about moving out.
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
(Yeah, there'll be a more meaningful post sometime kinda, sorta soonish. Maybe. No promises. But yeah. I'm getting kind of bad with the whole regular posting thing. Sorry.) (Ok. bed.) (.) ()
And that's about it.
Oh yeah. And I found some of those weird, lame, totally pointless, waste of everyone's time, stupid, shitty quizzes about you that no one wants to read and filled them out. So now you're going to read through those, because let's face it, that's why you're here. To read what I type. Ahahahaha! I have total control.
Holy shit I need to go to bed.
75 Questions You've Probably Never...
TAKE THIS SURVEY!
Take this survey
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Body
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes
4.Do you plan outfits?
No
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Tired, sore, a little annoyed
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
I can't see anything red
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
No
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Something weird about driving around....I think
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Besides customers, no
10. What are you craving right now?
A cigarette, and sleep
11. Do you floss?
Not as much as I should
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Irish...?
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Uhhh, 8 years ago?
14. Are you emotional?
Everyone is. Am I overly emotional? No
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
What is the taco song?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yes. More than once
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Both
18. Do you like your hair?
Yeah. It's not as cool as my mohawk was, but it's fine
19. Do you like yourself?
Depends on the day. Sometimes the hour
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I guess it depends on your definition of celebrity
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yes
22. What are you listening to right now?
PUSCIFER
23. How many countries have you visited?
One. Well, if you count Canada for part of a day when I was like 7
24. Are your parents strict?
No
25. Would you go sky diving?
No
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Ha, yeah
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
No. I like potatoes. Pickles? Probably
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Not that I can see
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
No
30. Do you rent movies often?
Netflix!
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
......God I feel too old for this....
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Yeah
33. Do you own a gun?
A few
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Yeah....
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
I was with Aaron and Nick. Now they're sleeping upstairs
36. Brown or white eggs?
White?
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
No
38. Ever been on a train?
Light Rail, yes. Proper train, no
39. Ever been in love?
Yes
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yup
41. Are you too forgiving?
Yup
42. Do you use chap stick?
Hell yeah
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Probably working
44. Can you use chop sticks?
I can stab things with them
45. Ever have cream puffs?
I've tried them. Not a fan
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yeah, that movie was weird
47. What was the last question you asked?
Are you 100% sure, without a doubt, that it's the battery?
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Uh...I think it was some Grateful Dead CDs for my dad for Christmas
49. Boys or girls?
Boys
50. What is your bus number for school?
........Again, old.......
51. Is your hair curly?
No
52. Last time you cried?
I don't remember
53. Ever walked into a wall?
No
54. Do looks matter?
To a point
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
No
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah
57. Favorite time of the year?
Fall
58. Favorite color?
Blue
59. Are you sarcastic?
No.....Yeah.....You figure it out
60. Do you have any tattoos?
No
61. The last person you held hands with?
My mom?
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope. All about the music
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
My brother's old house
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yeah
65. Do you like your life right now?
At times
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Not a whole lot. Maybe once a day. Sometimes not for a week
67. What is your favorite animal?
Dog. Or platypus
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
I bought dinner earlier. Material, I bought an oxy-acetylene torch for my brother yesterday
69. Do you have good vision?
When I have my glasses on
70. Can you hula hoop?
Not well
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Depends
72. Do you have a job?
Yup
73. Can you handle the truth?
No
74. What are you wearing?
Boxers
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Haha, oh yeah
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!
MySpace Surveys
My current life in 90 questions
TAKE THIS SURVEY!
Take this survey
1. What was the highlight of your week?
Moving into the house!
2. Whose car were you in last?
Aaron's
3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Fuck if I know
4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Skin
5. How long is your hair?
Pretty short. 1.5 inches maybe?
6. Are you good looking?
Sometimes I think so
7. Last movie you watched?
Columbiana, last night
8. Who were you with?
Aaron
9. Last thing you ate?
Beef Lo Mein. Chinese food is good
10. Last thing you drank?
Water
11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
A few months ago
12. Who came over last?
I don't think anyone's been over here since I moved
13. Are you happy right now?
At this exact moment? No. In general of today, for the most part
14. What did you say last?
Goodnight
15. Where is your phone?
On my nightstand charging
16. What color are your eyes?
Brown
17. Are you left-handed?
No
18. Spell your name without vowels:
Kvn
19. Do you have any pets?
No
20. Favorite Vacation?
All the years going to my cabin
21. What do you dislike currently?
A whole bunch of shit. How much time do you have?
22. What are you listening to?
PUSCIFER still
23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
The ability to read people's minds, and fix their problems.
24. What is your favorite scent?
I'm a fan of cherry
25. Who makes you happiest?
My family
26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching Top Gear. And hell no I don't mean that shit that America came out with. The UK version
27. When is your birthday?
2-23
28. Who has the same phone as you?
I think my friend Joey does
29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
I can't remember. Probably 4 or 5 years ago down in South Carolina
30. Do you read your horoscope?
No. But my boss likes to read everyone's out loud when we get to work sometimes
31. Where was the last place you bought something?
Dinner was at a restaurant. I bought a torch at some random dude's house off craigslist last night
32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
It's fine. Not mohawk status. But fine. If you haven't noticed, I miss my mohawk
33. Do you bite your nails?
No
34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
No
35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
No? Again?
36. Myspace or facebook?
Facebook, if I have to
37. How fast have you driven a car?
Me myself? About 110. As a passenger? 155 when the limiter kicked in
38. Have you ever smoked?
Everyday
39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
I liked math and english
40. Do you have Verizon?
Yes
41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
The ones I can never have
42. Do you have any hidden talents?
I'm pretty decent at cooking
43. Favorite Song?
Impossible to say. Right now though, I like Conditions Of MY Parole by PUSCIFER (Youtube it)
44. Do you like to sing at all?
I do
45. Dream Job?
It'll involve helping people, preferably young people. That's all I know now
46. Where does most of your family live?
Minnesota!
47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
One older brother
48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
No
49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Fuck, I don't want to go to work
50. Do you drink?
Not in almost 7 years
51. Know any other languages?
I can butcher my way through introductions in spanish
52. Ever write a coded message?
adnik
53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
Nope
54. Do you have any children?
No
55. Did you take a nap today?
No
56. Who has the same birthday as you?
No one I know
57. Ever met anyone famous before?
Again, depends on your definition of famous
58. Do you want to be famous one day?
Not really
59. Any Pet Peeves?
Rudeness, lack of manners
60. Are you multitasking right now?
If you count breathing, digesting, and a whole bunch of other things while listening to music, yes
61. Do you like Britany Spears?
No
62. What is your least favorite chore?
cleaning bathrooms
63. Last place you drove your car?
My car, to work. The car I currently posses, home. The last car I drove, also home.
64. Ever been out of the country?
Once, for a day, to Canada, when I was like 7
65. Where were you born?
Minnesota!
66. Could you handle being in the military?
Hell no
67. What is your average cell phone bill?
Don't know. Got that family plan thing
68. Who are you thinking about right now?
A couple of different people
69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Earlier today at work
70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
One
71. Are your toes always painted?
No.......Hahahaha straight up a 12 year old girl question! Why am I doing this?
72. How many piercings do you have?
None
73. What are you doing today?
Sleep, work
74. Have you ever been gambling?
Yes
75. When is the last time you updated your page?
Just now
76. Do you like rollercoasters?
Yeah
77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
Disney World a couple of times when my dad would run the marathon there
78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Meatwad
79. Last thing you cooked?
Technically, a bagel, if you count a toaster as cooking. Otherwise pasta
80. How's the weather?
Cold as fucking balls
81. Do you e-mail?
Yup
82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
Drop it in a lake
83. Last time you were sick?
Couple years ago
84. What states have you lived in?
Minnesota!
85. Do you wish you could move?
Just did!
86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
Fuck no
87. What is your dream car?
Again, impossible to answer. But probably some kind of Air Cooled Volkswagen
88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
All the time
89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
With them
90. Are you happy with your life?
I have my moments. Today, yes. Tomorrow? I hope so
CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!
MySpace Surveys
Did you make it this far?
Good. I'm done. That sucked. Never again. I figured there were some random things you guys didn't know about me, and I don't think those quizzes asked any of them. But there you go. Here's a song about moving out.
Hope you guys are well!
143
_Kevin
(Yeah, there'll be a more meaningful post sometime kinda, sorta soonish. Maybe. No promises. But yeah. I'm getting kind of bad with the whole regular posting thing. Sorry.) (Ok. bed.) (.) ()
January 3, 2012
Nothing Else Matters
Here's how I spent my Christmas Day night.
Still don't like my singing, but I like the guitar work.
It seems like it's been a while since I've done one of these.
Hope everyone is well!
143
_Kevin
Still don't like my singing, but I like the guitar work.
It seems like it's been a while since I've done one of these.
Hope everyone is well!
143
_Kevin
December 23, 2011
Right On Fucking Through
For a friend
Some people are rotten deep down to the core
Some people got the kick of a bull
and the lies of a chronic thief in store
Some people try to take you out if they can
But I'll go right through them I'm the battering ram
Been running my whole life and I'm still running
Integrity is something you never had
Reverence to your lies as a person you're bad
Falsified living on the truth you're gonna choke
I'll just sit back and watch you cut your own throat
Back biting hypocrite you're a liar
Telling lies is what fuels your fire
Once you get discovered the bullshit ends
I ain't stopping
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
Some people got no reliance some people are shit
Some people got no validity not a bit
Some people want to break down what's inside if they can
But I go right through them I'm a Battering Ram
Been running my whole life and I'm still running
The man who talked shit I shut him down he's through
Beat down the lies till they're black and blue
He talked so much shit but not today
I'm a steam engine get outta my way
I disregard the attempt to take me out
I curse the thought of another bout
but it's my method I ain't stopping
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
Ah yeah right on through
Ah right on fucking through
Some people are rotten deep down to the core
Some people got the kick of a bull
and the lies of a chronic thief in store
Some people try to take you out if they can
But I go right through them I'm a Battering Ram
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
Some people are rotten deep down to the core
Some people got the kick of a bull
and the lies of a chronic thief in store
Some people try to take you out if they can
But I'll go right through them I'm the battering ram
Been running my whole life and I'm still running
Integrity is something you never had
Reverence to your lies as a person you're bad
Falsified living on the truth you're gonna choke
I'll just sit back and watch you cut your own throat
Back biting hypocrite you're a liar
Telling lies is what fuels your fire
Once you get discovered the bullshit ends
I ain't stopping
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
Some people got no reliance some people are shit
Some people got no validity not a bit
Some people want to break down what's inside if they can
But I go right through them I'm a Battering Ram
Been running my whole life and I'm still running
The man who talked shit I shut him down he's through
Beat down the lies till they're black and blue
He talked so much shit but not today
I'm a steam engine get outta my way
I disregard the attempt to take me out
I curse the thought of another bout
but it's my method I ain't stopping
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
Ah yeah right on through
Ah right on fucking through
Some people are rotten deep down to the core
Some people got the kick of a bull
and the lies of a chronic thief in store
Some people try to take you out if they can
But I go right through them I'm a Battering Ram
BATTERING RAM
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
RIGHT ON RIGHT ON
THROUGH YOU
December 1, 2011
2 Eight Balls and an 1/8 of Weed
Is it just me, or does it seem like the interesting stuff I've been talking about lately revolves around Anthony?
Had another interesting conversation with him yesterday, although this time not so nice. I guess to make things a little easier, I'll give you a little background information.
When I first got sober 6.5 years ago, I was scared and lonely. Plus I think my mohawk was a little off-putting to some people. So I was trying to meet people that had some similar interests as me, other than getting clean. About 3 months into it, I met Anthony. He was around my age, I think he's 5 years older than me. And he liked metal and punk, like me. We had a lot of interests in common, and we hit it off really well right away.
I was a kid who drank too much, smoked weed, and didn't go to school. He was a guy who drank if he wanted, smoked a lot of weed, and did WAY too much cocaine. But we were both sober, and we grew close. For years he was, and still is, one of my best friends. We've done pretty much everything together. We've always been honest with each other; although sometimes not quite timely with that honesty. It took me months to tell him about my relapse, and it wasn't until this year that I told him I was gay.
The last couple months he's been having some money problems; not having enough for rent or groceries or whatever. So since I have a job and some extra money, I've been helping him out. He'd been losing some days at work, so it just wasn't there. It got to the point where he owed me around $500 when he started paying me back. Kind of. He'd give me a little here, a little there. But he'd always borrow more than he'd pay back. Since I'm still at home, rent free, it wasn't a huge deal for me. I knew I'd get it back eventually.
So yesterday we're hanging out at his place, and we're outside smoking a cigarette, when he says he needs to tell me some stuff. Usually, that's how he'd start off when he needed some money, so I just rolled my eyes and said it'd be nice for once to hear something good from him and not something bad. He laughed, but said it was still something bad. So I figured he needed some more money. I wish he had.
He then proceeded to tell me that for the last 5 months or so, he'd been doing coke and smoking weed again. And it wasn't just like a little bit. At first, his tolerance was pretty low, since it had been so long since he'd done it. But being the addict that he is, that didn't last long. He said it had gotten to the point where he was doing 2 eight balls of coke (3.5 ounces per ball, 7 ounces total. Which, according to my sources, averages to about $200 a ball) and an 1/8 of weed a day. Now I must say, at this point I was completely shocked. Anthony had always told me that if he started doing cocaine again, he'd die. And I can see that if he had continued doing it, he would have.
I was trying to process all of this, and then the thought popped into my head, and I made the mistake of asking, "How much of the money that I've given you went to coke?" Feeling my stomach drop as I asked it, and really, really not wanting to know the answer. And he replied, "All of it."
We continued talking about it, and he's been sober for about 3 weeks now, and getting back into the program full force, and all that jazz, which is good. But now I'm left feeling conflicted. One the one hand, I'm happy that he's sober again, and that he told me everything. The other hand, I'm sad that it happened at all. And I'm disappointed that it happened, and that he didn't come to me for help. And I'm hurt that he used me for money to get drugs. And I feel like I dropped the ball; that I should have seen or noticed something. I'd been seeing him every or every other week during the whole time. And I'm also fucking pissed that he lied to my face so he could go get high. It's so much, that I don't know what to feel. Being one myself, I know you can't really be that mad at an addict, because that's just how they are. They lie, cheat, and steal to get what they want. But I feel that because of the history we have, it should have been different. But I also know, that history doesn't mean shit.
I talked to my dad about it, who is also sober, and he understood all of those emotions, but didn't really have an answer for me. So I don't know what to do or think. Do I treat him the same, like nothing happened? Do I kick his ass? I don't want to lose him as a friend, so I don't want to just walk away. But I don't know how to react. I was used, and that is not a good feeling. I don't know. I feel so numb to it right now. Help?
143
_Kevin
Had another interesting conversation with him yesterday, although this time not so nice. I guess to make things a little easier, I'll give you a little background information.
When I first got sober 6.5 years ago, I was scared and lonely. Plus I think my mohawk was a little off-putting to some people. So I was trying to meet people that had some similar interests as me, other than getting clean. About 3 months into it, I met Anthony. He was around my age, I think he's 5 years older than me. And he liked metal and punk, like me. We had a lot of interests in common, and we hit it off really well right away.
I was a kid who drank too much, smoked weed, and didn't go to school. He was a guy who drank if he wanted, smoked a lot of weed, and did WAY too much cocaine. But we were both sober, and we grew close. For years he was, and still is, one of my best friends. We've done pretty much everything together. We've always been honest with each other; although sometimes not quite timely with that honesty. It took me months to tell him about my relapse, and it wasn't until this year that I told him I was gay.
The last couple months he's been having some money problems; not having enough for rent or groceries or whatever. So since I have a job and some extra money, I've been helping him out. He'd been losing some days at work, so it just wasn't there. It got to the point where he owed me around $500 when he started paying me back. Kind of. He'd give me a little here, a little there. But he'd always borrow more than he'd pay back. Since I'm still at home, rent free, it wasn't a huge deal for me. I knew I'd get it back eventually.
So yesterday we're hanging out at his place, and we're outside smoking a cigarette, when he says he needs to tell me some stuff. Usually, that's how he'd start off when he needed some money, so I just rolled my eyes and said it'd be nice for once to hear something good from him and not something bad. He laughed, but said it was still something bad. So I figured he needed some more money. I wish he had.
He then proceeded to tell me that for the last 5 months or so, he'd been doing coke and smoking weed again. And it wasn't just like a little bit. At first, his tolerance was pretty low, since it had been so long since he'd done it. But being the addict that he is, that didn't last long. He said it had gotten to the point where he was doing 2 eight balls of coke (3.5 ounces per ball, 7 ounces total. Which, according to my sources, averages to about $200 a ball) and an 1/8 of weed a day. Now I must say, at this point I was completely shocked. Anthony had always told me that if he started doing cocaine again, he'd die. And I can see that if he had continued doing it, he would have.
I was trying to process all of this, and then the thought popped into my head, and I made the mistake of asking, "How much of the money that I've given you went to coke?" Feeling my stomach drop as I asked it, and really, really not wanting to know the answer. And he replied, "All of it."
We continued talking about it, and he's been sober for about 3 weeks now, and getting back into the program full force, and all that jazz, which is good. But now I'm left feeling conflicted. One the one hand, I'm happy that he's sober again, and that he told me everything. The other hand, I'm sad that it happened at all. And I'm disappointed that it happened, and that he didn't come to me for help. And I'm hurt that he used me for money to get drugs. And I feel like I dropped the ball; that I should have seen or noticed something. I'd been seeing him every or every other week during the whole time. And I'm also fucking pissed that he lied to my face so he could go get high. It's so much, that I don't know what to feel. Being one myself, I know you can't really be that mad at an addict, because that's just how they are. They lie, cheat, and steal to get what they want. But I feel that because of the history we have, it should have been different. But I also know, that history doesn't mean shit.
I talked to my dad about it, who is also sober, and he understood all of those emotions, but didn't really have an answer for me. So I don't know what to do or think. Do I treat him the same, like nothing happened? Do I kick his ass? I don't want to lose him as a friend, so I don't want to just walk away. But I don't know how to react. I was used, and that is not a good feeling. I don't know. I feel so numb to it right now. Help?
143
_Kevin
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