How Fragile Is The Flame That Burns Within Us All To Light Each Passing Day?

Hi.

Well, yesterday they pulled the breathing tube, but my grandpa kept breathing on his own. So they moved him into hospice. I was at work, while my parents were at the hospital. I was talking to my dad as he told me all this. I asked if there was a chance he would come back, but they said there was no response from my grandpa. They poked him in the eye with a q-tip, and tried to make him gag/cough with no results.

My mom called me earlier this morning, after having gone back to the hospital, and my grandfather passed away a little before 7 this morning. Although sad, we were all hoping it would be soon, since we knew he was already gone. He died Wednesday night when his heart stopped.

The doctors said that since he went into cardiac arrest, and didn't have a heart attack, he went instantly without pain, and without fear. He was just dead.

I guess with a heart attack, the heart fills with too much blood, and it can't pump it out, so it gives up. It's painful, slow, and doesn't always kill you. With cardiac arrest, your heart just stops beating. No warning, no pain, no nothing. You're just dead. So that was nice to hear that he didn't suffer.

Erik and I got to say our goodbyes on Saturday before I went to work, so I've been expecting this, and have slowly come to terms with it. It's still sad, and I think I'm still rather numb. But I'm trying to stay strong for my mom and grandma.

My mom is kind of holding it together. I think she's trying to stay strong for her mom too. But she's starting to accept that her dad is gone. She's spent the last 5 days at the hospital, and hasn't gotten much sleep. A couple of nights she stayed with my grandma at her house, or my aunt stayed.

My grandma is a total wreck. They were married for 52 years, and now the love of her life is gone. I'm not too sure how this is affecting her, other than tearing her apart. I've only seen her for an hour or two on Saturday. I just hope this doesn't kill her. She's 75, but in better health than my grandpa was, so I think she'll be ok.

The funeral is going to be next Tuesday, February 8th. Earlier, my mom asked if me or Erik wanted to do a scripture reading at the funeral. They want two of the grand kids to read something. Erik and I aren't too sure, since neither of us are very religious, and don't like talking in front of big groups of people. Plus I'm not sure if I'd be able to hold it together. Lynn's kids are religious, so two of them might end up doing it. We'll see.

I appreciate all the kind words you guys have shared with me. It makes it easier for me to move forward. You all mean the world to me.

I guess that's about it.

Here's a picture of Erik, my grandpa, and me when I was 2 or 3.



I hope you guys are well.

143

_Kevin